Can't We All Just Get Along?

That's what comes to mind lately when I think about the autism community (or communities) as it all feels very divided to me and always has. And as usual, I feel very much in the middle.

Autism activists are divided on whether autism is good or bad (and in reality in can be both). Autism is a spectrum. As a parent whose child has been all over the spectrum, I can see why people think of autism as something negative and I can also see the positives. Trust me, when my child was nonverbal and banged his head on the wall constantly, I couldn't see how autism could possibly be anything BUT negative. I can also see how damaging those thoughts can be to an individual who has autism. Now that my son has grown up a little, I can really see how autism can be a positive. I can see how the ability to focus intensely on one subject can be a positive. I can see how his amazing memory is a positive. I can see how his abilities on a computer are a positive. However, when he was 2, the negatives were so overwhelming that the positives were not able to show through. I think this is where the group Autism Speaks is at right now.

As parents, we are divided on the causes of autism (personally...I'm not at a point in my life where I want to make this my focus. I have my own personal feelings, but I'm not willing to spend my time or energy on this issue.) My son is here. He has autism. Knowing why he has autism does not change anything for him or for me. Maybe that's selfish, but I have to spend my time and energy on making certain that he has a good life and the ability to be as self-sufficient as possible. Which brings me to the next thing that nobody can agree on...how to get there. Do we use PECS or signs for a language delay? ABA, RDI or floortime? Specific carbohydrate diet or gluten and casein free diet? Do we avoid processed foods and dyes or do we do no special diet at all? Do we put him or her in a self-contained classroom or is inclusion best? It's enough to make your head spin. And in reality these are ALL THE RIGHT CHOICES FOR SOMEBODY. None of these are "good" or "bad". They are simply options and it's up to us parents and the professionals we choose to bring into our child's life to decide how to use these options. There is no point in fighting over which options are best. Everyone is different.

I feel the same way about all this fighting within autism groups. After seeing lots of videos on youtube by both Autism Speaks and the many groups opposed to Autism Speaks, I want to challenge all of us to stop fighting amongst one another. Let's find all the things we agree on and try to work together. Working against one another only makes us defensive. We want people to accept our kids and ourselves for who we are, but we aren't always willing to do that for other people, are we? Can those with high functioning autism and/or Asperger's try to understand just a little why some parents of nonverbal kids consider autism to be a villain? Can parents with kids who struggle with language, motor control, social skills and what feels like everything try for just a minute to understand why making autism the villain hurts adults who have autism? I've said this for years: You cannot separate autism from the individual, so when you make autism out to be a negative, you are harming the very person you are trying to help!

So, this is my plea for today...I'd like to see us all work towards acceptance. I'd like funding available for families to use in a way they believe best for their child, whether that be a special diet, ABA, RDI, speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc. I'd like parents to make their own informed decisions about vaccines, but at the same time, I'd like the vaccine debate to be tabled until there is actually some concrete evidence. This is something that should be a personal decision based on personal medical and family history. Again...they aren't "good" or "bad", as someone who has had a vaccine reaction myself, I know that they can actually be both.

We don't have to agree on why autism rates are going up or even whether they are actually going up or not, we just need to work together to make the world a better, more accepting place for everyone. We have the power to change things by being more accepting and tolerant of other's differing views as parents and activists. We can try...right?